Finding Love in A Hopeless Place — The Paradox of Dating Apps
Sitting in a café, scrolling through my dating app, I’m overwhelmed by the attention but still unsure where to go. The peak of my experience with this app was reaching over 4000 likes, yet none of them felt like the right match. I’m tired of the same old questions and generic compliments they gave. Dating apps were supposed to make meeting people easier, but instead, I feel lost and drained.
The concept of “The Paradox of Choice” sheds light on this dilemma. I stumbled upon it years back when I was diving into stuff about customer behaviours, and I reckon it pretty much sums up this situation we’re talking about.
The Paradox of Choice
“The Paradox of Choice” concept is basically talking about when someone having more choices ends up making them less satisfied. This idea was made popular by psychologist Barry Schwartz. He thought that having more choices meant more freedom, which makes sense, right? Instead of being stuck with just a few options, now you’ve got tons to choose from.
But here’s the twist: Schwartz found that all this freedom actually made people less happy with their decisions. Having too many options made them less satisfied instead of more. So, while having choices is great, Schwartz says there’s a sweet spot between freedom and feeling overwhelmed.
Paralyzed by Choice
Now picture this: you’re at the grocery store, lookinf for milk. But there are so many options — fat percentage, cow, almond, soy, oat — you’re overwhelmed.
Same goes for dating apps. Trying to find the right match out of thousands is tough. It’s hard to connect deeply when you’re spread thin. But stopping feels like missing out — what if they’re “the one”?
Dating apps promote talking to multiple matches simultaneously, leading some users to believe they have a backup plan if their top match doesn’t work out and breeds the mentality of “the grass is always greener on the other side,” Even if they hit it off with someone, users often think they could find someone better with just a bit more swiping. But always chasing the next best thing means never really finding something meaningful.
Learning to choose is hard. Learning to choose well is harder. And learning to choose well in a world of unlimited possibilities is harder still, perhaps too hard.
– Barry Schwartz in The Paradox of Choice
Dating nowadays is a whole new ball game, thanks to dating apps and everything that comes with them. Sure, it’s easy to find someone to hang out with, but finding that special someone you really want to build a life with? Well, that’s a whole different story, especially for our generation.
The key to navigating these apps is knowing what you’re after. We can’t just get swept up in the endless swiping frenzy. That’s why I’ve started setting some ground rules for myself. I’ve made a checklist of all the things I’m looking for in a partner — you know, like looks, career, education, values, interests, and so on — plus our shared goals. If someone doesn’t fit the bill or is just looking for a fling, I’m not wasting my time swiping right.
Think of it like grocery shopping. You go in with a list — let’s say you’re allergic to nuts and beans — so those vegan milk options are out. That narrows things down a bit, and then it’s just a matter of picking what fits your budget and tastes.
Here’s a little tip for making that list:
First off, jot down three non-negotiable qualities that your ideal partner absolutely must have, along with three major red flags to watch out for. Then, go wild and list out as many nice-to-have qualities as you can think of.
If someone doesn’t check those three essential boxes, don’t even bother swiping right. And once you start chatting and getting to know them, pay attention to the chemistry. You’ll quickly figure out who’s worth keeping around and who’s not, especially if they start showing any of those red flags — in that case, it’s best to politely say goodbye.
